Been putting this one off

For me, anyway...It has really only been two days.  But I have to have this documented for my kids.  This isn't a cute picture, funny sayings post (although I am doing one of those next!)

I'm usually pretty private as well, hence the private blog, etc... However, it is easier just to put this all down once as opposed to having to explain it over and over. And it isn't really as big of a deal as this beginning is making it sound like:) 

We had to take Jezzie back to the breeder Sunday.  Now, for background, this would be the second time I have taken a dog back after having it a short time.  Well, it makes more sense to me now.  The first time, we weren't prepared.  I had had a miscarriage not long before and so I'm not surprised I wanted to baby something.  It didn't work and we knew nothing about puppies and much to my four year old Bailey's tears we took her back.
With Jezzie, we planned for months. I read books, I learned the best ways to train, I asked questions.  She is an excellent dog. I mean super smart, doesn't shed and LOVED my boys to death.  Bailey was a great help, walked her, picked up poop, did everything I asked. 
The problem was that I am too newly getting over a long bout of depression (post partum or whatever you want to call it). It went undiagnosed for too long and blew up a while back.  I've been off my medication for a while and have learned to deal with having all the craziness in our life.  But, throw a dog into that mix and I had no less than three breakdowns in one week.  And those were just the bigger ones. I found myself back in that awful hole and acting terribly to my family and wanting to just hide under the covers. 
So we had to explain this as best we could to the kids at dinner Sunday night.  Tears from both B and E...Breaks your heart, especially because I wanted this so badly for them.  Bailey, especially has a great touch with animals.  Even the breeder mentioned it several times and encouraged him to do something with that gift when he is older. But it came down to the dog or a sane mommy.  And of course Ben would like his wife back.
We've figured out a lot of things as a family-that simple is best. Simple everything. We don't do the whole soccer/baseball/gymnastics/dance thing to the nth degree that I see so much in other families.  Not that this isn't OK for them, but with our family dynamic, it doesn't work.  We relish our down time together.  Maybe this is because our lives were (are!) so busy for undergrad/law school that we just want to be together.  Whatever it is, we (and by we, I mean I) are learning to lay low and not push things into our schedule.  As much as I would love the idea of a dog for our family, obviously it is something I can't handle.  Even seeing the pictures below this post of the kids and Jezzie make me sad. 
But, on a positive note, Jezzie is now going to be a service dog for a disabled veteran. I am now smiley happy mommy again and don't feel like I want to vomit everyday. 
And now I get to write a happy post about some cute Kid quotes